the hairless wonder

2004-09-23 - 7:53 p.m.

today's background music : "Frank's Wild Years" -Tom Waits

I'm balding.

I just wanted to get that out of the way at the beginning so it didn't seem like I was dancing around it before I finally let it be known. Now that I've said it point blank, let's dig a little deeper.

I have always had issues with my hair. Being a redhead (luckily I didn't get stuck with that extremely curly orange mop that some guys get) leads to confusion in self image as you grow up. As a kid, adults will comment on how cute it is & kids will rag on you about it. Then when you reach puberty you have even more red hair to deal with. Most guys at that age worry about the size of their wee-wees but redheads are mainly concerned with the color of their pubes. Then in high school you just become "that guy with the red hair" while you steam with jealousy as you see your female counterparts become "hot" because of their red hair. Then when I got to my twenties, women changed their minds (I know it's uncommon for women to change their minds for no apparent reason, but it happens - yeah, right) & decided that my red hair was attractive.

Like I said - confused.

Anyways, 4-5 years ago I was considering shaving my head. Just for the hell of it. Before doing it I kind of fished around for the opinions of other people about this.

Unlike many people, I can admit the fact that I am, at times, concerned with the opinions of other people. A little something to think about; if someone really didn't care what other people thought of them, why would they make the effort to let others know that they didn't care? (nod if you understand).

After asking several people their opions, the general consensus was "You've got such great hair. Why would you cut it off?". So, I went home that evening, ended up extremely bored, found that there was nothing good on TV (as always) and thought to myself "hey, I know what to do. I'll cut off all my hair." (it occured to me later that your average person probably would have just rented a video or something). So, despite the protests of others, I was no longer a redhead, just a.... head.

A few things about having a shaved head for anyone considering it (or even if you're just curious). If you are, even sometimes, a "don't touch me" person - don't shave your head. There are many, many people out there who, for some reason, whenever they see a shaved head, have this strange compulsion to rub it. Strange but true. It will happen. Also, If you are a guy, people's first assumption will be that you shave your head because you're balding (very ironic in my case). There are many advantages to having no hair at all - no bed head, no hat head, no shampoo, no haircuts (bad or badly needed), during the summer it's much cooler and when you get caught in the rain all it takes to dry your head is a swipe with a paper towel. Some people say that there are women who get turned on by bald men. But then again, there are a few women out there who get turned on by a good spanking or a man who will call them "mommy" so I wouldn't suggest shaving your head to get women. Many women can pull off having a shaved head very nicely but they have to realize that (and I suppose this goes for the men too) shaving your head is a long term commitment. You don't just go from having no hair on your head to having hair on your head - there is a long period of having (sometimes very funny looking) fuzz on your head.

But let's get back to my opening declaration.

About a year ago, at a time when I hadn't shaved my head for a couple days, I was sitting on the couch with a friend watching a movie when she suddenly reached over and rubbed my head (she wasn't putting the moves on me it was just a "Hey, look. A bald head. I think I'll rub it." moment. Then she tells me that there's this place on my head that has almost no stubble. I reached up, and sure enough there it was - stubble, stubble, stubble, skin, skin, stubble.

Shit

Fuck

I like to think that despite the fact I can sometimes come off as an egotistical asshole (usually in moments of social ineptittude or plain old insecurity) that I am not a vain person. All the same, I can't say that I am happy at the prospect of not having much hair available to me should I ever decide to grow it back. How depressing would that be - to let my hair grow now would be, as contradictory as it may sound, like going bald in a matter of weeks. I suppose it's not as bad as it seems. I mean, I can tell that I still have plenty of hair on top of my head, but all the same...

Now that I think about it, it's actually pretty stupid. I mean, a guy with a shaved head complaing about going bald. It's like an anorexic complaining that there's no food in the fridge.

So, there's no more denying it- "Hello. my name is Bruce & I am bald."

"HI BRUCE!!!"

�

�

previous - next